i dont hate anyone

I dont even know how to begin this. I dont hate her. Everyone has made it seem like I hate her.

I dont hate anyone.

I just feel he is being takin away. I dont want to use the word jealous because that sounds creepy.

Basically he is the closest thing I have to an older brother,

I dont know if she knows about my dads,

but they suck.

He has always been there.

I feel like hes not now.

When I was in middle school I wrote an essay for an english class,

it was called my hero is...

I wrote it on Andy.

Maybe this will help explain why my expactations, for lack of a better word,are so high.

I thought of many people that could be my hero, but one stood out the most, my uncle Andy. Andy was an easy choice; he has always been there for me. When I was nine my parents divorced but he was there for me. My dad was the first to remarry, on March 15th 2002. Andy went to middel school with my step-mom, and because my father does not have any borhters Andy and my dad were and still are close, so it is understandable why he was asked to be an usher in the wedding. He is the only person I hung out with all night, and he made the night worth while. December 2004, my mom remarried, that was very hard for me because my dad was 900 miles away from me but Andy was here and he really helped me through it. Among many of his own attmpts to marry, he hasn't found a girl who has the same love for Taco Bell, Geo metros, American Literature, and the movie Sling Blade yet. When he does he will have cool little kids and she will surely be my best friend.

No matter how bad a situation may be, he will find good in it, and make me laugh. In the last few years he has served in the Navy. I admire him for that, he came from a small now as a joker but he knew he had to do something with his life. He was very lucky to escape going to Iraq more then once. After September 11th they told him to pack his bags and he called my grandma to let her know, their conversation was quite funny. "What if they shoot at you Andy?" asked my grandmother. "You shoot back mom," Andy replied. My grandmother nervously said, "Andy, you dont know how to shoot a gun!" Andy laughed and said, "Mom what do you think we did in boot camp, swim all day?" Another time he was to deploy in a few weeks, so he was on leave to vist us and it could have been the last time I ever saw him. While he was with us his orders left early so another guy went for him. Then at Camp Lejeune, he was there so long he gained seniority but, he did have to stay on base durring an manditory hurricane evacuation.

Because of our ten year age difference we are more like siblings most of the time I suppose. One 4th of July, he was cutting the grass at my grandparent's house and I was inside with a popsicle. He came inside all sweaty and put his nasty armpit on my head, so I smeared my popsicle in his face.When I was younger he told me to call my grandma Liz, Grandma Lizard, she came back with Uncle Neener. The names stuck so well when my brother was born the nurse came and asked for Uncle Neener to come meet his nephew. I have passed these nicknames down to my siblings and cousins.

He has some pretty stupid sayings; he calls his neighbors Pit-Bull, Chewy Bitems. When I wasbaptized in May 2004, I called him to tell himand he said, "Aww did you take a bath with Jesus? Next time tell him I'll bring the rubber ducky." As blasphemes as it was, it was halarious.

When I stay at his house I always over stay my welcome, but he will live. He gets mad at me all jthe time but once he said, "I try to stay mad at her, but its hard. She is just so damn much like me." Some would take that as an insult, but I must say, It is probably the best compliment I have ever been given. I still show his girl friends really bad high shcool pictures, and he still plays Dungeons and Dragons, or as his roomate and I call it, Wizards and Weirdo's in his friends mom's basement, be he is still my hero and my best friend. Webster defines a hero as a methological or legendary figure often of devine desent endowed with great strenght or ability, and illustrious warrior, a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities, one that shows great courage, but to me Andy is so much more.

okay, cheese yes.

but as I was writting this at work, someone else came in and asked what I was writting about so I explained the stiuation.

It is not personal.

I just think I realized,
I wont ever think anyone is good enough for him.

She makes him happy though, so I am going to try alot harder.

What is a blog without picutres?

Stupid in class assignments...

When our teacher is gone...even though we have alot to get done in the next 30 days left of year book...we have to write a paper instead of working on our arrticles... so here is mine about the pros and cons of ip...

Pro’s and Con’s IP

Indian Plains High School has some amazing programs, amazing teachers, and amazing staff that make this place work. However not everything is as nice as the guidance counselors at our home school made it sound. This article is written to give you an accurate description seen thought the eyes of a student. Written by a student who is imperfect with biases, preconceived notions. The same student who is trying to make the best of the given situation, one student who wants to be remembered.
Indian Plains has two programs running simultaneously, Phoenix Academy and Graduation Academy. Graduation Academy is made up of seniors in need of a second chance, and some discipline, coming from two home schools, Nequa Valley, and Waubonsie Valley. Phoenix Academy is made up of students who need to be in school but for one reason or another are no longer aloud to attend their home school. A con to the way that this is set up is that because many of the students on Phoenix have been expelled for fighting, they are quick to anger, and cause many fights. While Graduation students have to go on lock down and stay in their rooms while one or two students are handled because they can not control themselves over such mundane things, one fight was over someone’s mom. The pro to this set up is in both sides students are given a second chance, life is filled with second chances, but all to often high school is unforgiving and not understanding, and gives no second changes.
The student population is about 75 students on Graduation Academy, and roughly 30 students in Phoenix Academy. The size is both an advantage and disadvantage to this school. It is definitely an advantage for the teachers because students who have a habit of skipping, how many students end up here, are easily caught. It is easier to meet people, and identifying new people unlike at our home schools is much easier as well. It is a con because you are with the same people all day everyday, and you know more then you would like to about some students and vise versa. Because of the size teachers know students on a more personal level, they know what students are capable, and they even know our names. Without this staff IP would not work, the staff is passionate about helping these students out, and that is exactly what they are achieving. The principal is also amazing, not long after we started school this year Ms. Tobin purchased a book for everyone who filled out a book slip, the students then had the option of donating the book when they were finished with it to the library. It really did get students to read; because it was something they choose.
The school has an opportunity to teach students much more then what is from a text book at Indian Plains. This program really holds students accountable for their actions, and they are ultimately choosing graduation, or not choosing graduation. They are in charge of their future. Ms. Provis was a student here at IP and we were talking one day at lunch when I was still getting use to everything at the begging of the year and she told me that IP showed her that school doesn’t have to suck. And that she was not stupid, and was capable of accomplishing something, she went to college and became a teacher, and came back to teach here, to help students such as herself.

when is it enough...because we stopped laughing a while ago

Leviticus 19:28 28 " 'Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.


So as many of you I got my nose pierced a week ago.

Just have that in the back of your head, because this story actually beggins the Friday before my birthday with my, "friends," at chuckie cheese.

We are sitting down waiting for our pizza, and I tell my friends I have convinced my mom to let me get my nose pierced. The first thing out of my friends mouth is that is REDICULOUS...none of us would date a girl with a nose right. My reply was that it was fortunate that I did not want to date any of them.

Okay one joke, not a big deal whatever.

It continued until i got it done, and now thats all they talk about.
It was funny at first.
Now the only ones laughing are them.

But this is not the only thing that gets run into the ground with this group. Like the time they threw cds out of the car window, or the time they took all of our purses, or the time they took my camera card for a week...it really does continue, I am just choosing not to make this a rant now.

What now? We have tried telling them that it is not funny anymore, but they dont get it, and they dont care.

We don't feel like our friendship is valued, and we don't feel like we matter. We have said this before as well, but one of the girls is very much a golden retreaver. She just laughs and deals with it, and she is tired of it...When she is over something you know it has gone to far. But what do we do?

This is where it gets most frustrating.
The "christian card."

I feel like alot of what is done for show.

Christians don't judge, Christians love everyone...especially their friends. And this is how we treat each other what do we do to new people. How inclusive are we really?

This summer when I moved to my dads, they said they wernt going to support it, so they would not come visit me. Even when they did not have to drive, my best friend came down every Thursday and hung out with me at work, and she would stay the night at our house. She was amazing. But friends dont tell friends that Jesus said it was a sin to leave your mom. Friends don't shun each other because they dont agree on something. They support, but disagree, it can be done. I support the troops, but I STRONGLY disagree with why they are there.

It was intresting one of these friends who are fed up were talking about it, and she said I feel so weird saying this, but in this situation I feel like when God is involved it doesnt work.

That was why I called it a christian card. Because in my personal expeirance, everything that has God at the core works, and if this group of friends claim to have God at the core why is it the way that it is? My friendship with Kristin, God is our center. She told me she did not agree with me moving to my dads this summer, and she felt like it was a bad idea, but she still saw me. She still loved me, she still supported me.

So where is God in all of this, if one half of the group is thriving, and outreaching, and growing, why is the other not?

The bigger question is how do we fix it? Do we confront them yet again? Do we keep letting it go? Do we stand up? Do we try to talk about it again, and then when nothing changes and its this way still do we finally walk away?

When is enough enough.

Why can't we all just get along.
I feel like I am trying to teach 1st graders how to share and get along.
But the scary part is all of us are going into the real world next year.